Twublesome
by InosBane
Summary: Shikamaru is a toddler and Temari can't figure out how that happened...wait, WHAT?  ShikaTema for Beezus, T for language
1. Chapter 1

A/N: For **Beezus**, I hope you like it! Much like my own toddler, Shikamaru has trouble with his "r"s.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anyone/thing in this story.

**Chapter: 1**

Temari opened her eyes. Her stomach hurt something awful.

"No more three egg tonkatsu ramen with extra wasabi..." she muttered.

She could hear Shikamaru in the bathroom. She got out of bed, put on her slippers and knocked on the door.

"Shika, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Tamogoyaki!" Came a child's voice through the door.

Temari copied her husband's action of sticking a finger in her ear and ringing it. She was confused.

"Shika? Are you in there? What are you doing?"

"I made pee-pee in the potty!" It was the same child's voice.

"Nani? Shikamaru what the hell is going on?"

She opened the door and there stood her husband. Only he was about three years old. Suddenly more than just her stomach hurt.

"I made pee-pee in the potty!" He said again, smiling.

"Shikamaru?" She grabbed the door frame to steady herself.

"Temawee, awe you okay?" Shikamaru looked concerned.

"Um, " she was breathing hard. "I'll be right back."

o-o-o

"Sakura-san!" She shrieked when she heard the line pick up.

"Kami! Who the hell is this?" Kiba had answerd his girlfriend's phone.

"Kiba-san, please get Sakura, this is an emergency!"

"Sabaku no Temari?"

"Yes, please get Sakura!"

"She's not here, she's already left for the hospital. Is everything alright? How's Shikamaru? Tell him for me that we need to get together for ramen soon...Temari-san? Temari? Hello?"

She'd dropped the phone. She couldn't take Shikamaru to the hospital. Not like this.

"Temawee? Can't I have some tamogoyaki? I gots hungwee." Shikamaru sat down on the bed next to her. It was then she realized he was stark naked.

"Sweetheart, first thing we need to do is find you something to wear."

They went through his clothes, then they went through her clothes.

"Iya! Iya! I'm not a giwl!" He tried to run away when she held up one of her short sleeved red shirts.

"Listen mister, we've got some things to get figured out, but before we can do any of that, we've got to get you dressed."

He pouted while she forced him into the shirt, and a pair of his boxers using her own hitai-ite as a belt since his was fitted for his grown up arm. When she tried to pull his hair back he had a tantrum.

"I don't want no pineapple head!" He screeched.

She let him wear it down. Her stomach was still hurting and she wasn't in the mood to fight with him about it.

"We're going to go see your mom, she'll probably have plenty of tamogoyaki for you."

His eyes became wide as saucers.

"I don't want to eat the nowee. I don't hafta eat the nowee do I?"

"No," she smiled at him. "You're a grown man...sort of. You don't have to eat the nori."

"Temawee?" He hugged her leg. "Dis is twublesome idn't it?"

She sighed.

"We'll get it figured out, it'll be okay. Now, once we get outside you need to hold my hand."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anyone/thing in this story

**Chapter: 2**

They arrived at the Nara house having experienced only a few problems. Shikamaru had an emergency bathroom break near the barbeque restaurant, then a tantrum outside the toy store. Temari smiled weakly at two old women who were muttering about the breakdown of discipline among today's parents. What was she supposed to do? Put her own husband over her knee? The thought made her laugh, and then groan. Her stomach **hurt**.

"Damn wasabi..." she muttered.

Seconds after Temari knocked, the door flew open.

"Temari-chan!" Nara Yoshino cried "How are you? Wha...?" Yoshino stopped midsentence when she saw the child holding Temari's hand and scowling for all he was worth.

"What is this Temari-chan? Who is this child?"

"Okaa-san, it's me, Shikamawoo."

Yoshino hit the floor before Temari could grab her. After a few minutes, she came around. Temari, despite her stomachache had moved Yoshino to the couch and had put a damp cloth on her forehead. Yoshino sat up and stared at the child for a minute before turning to Temari.

"What happened to my son?" She whispered.

"I wish I knew."

"Okaa-san," Shikamaru crawled up on Yoshino's lap. "Okaa-san, I gots hungwee. I want tamogoyaki. Does you gots any tamogoyaki?"

Yoshino smiled and brushed her son's hair out of his eyes. She addressed Temari.

"I'd forgotten how sweet he was at this age. Nowhere near as surly as he became once he started the academy." She then said to Shikamaru, "of course bishonen, I will make you tamogoyaki. But you must eat some nori first."

"Okaa-san," Shikamaru hugged his mother. "Temawee pwomised that I didn't have to eat nowee."

Yoshino eyed Temari for a minute.

"Well then, Temari-chan can eat the nori."

"Ire, Okaa-san, please. I have such a stomachache."

"Nori will fix that. Nori is good for you." Yoshino said coldly.

Temari didn't want to fight her mother-in-law. When she threw up all over the table that would be proof enough.

o-o-o

After Shikamaru had three helpings of tamogoyaki, and Temari struggled to eat two pieces of nori, the women discussed what was to be done. The hospital seemed like the only option. Before they left, Yoshino packed up the rest of the tamogoyaki in a bento, found some old clothes for Shikamaru and the boy used the bathroom five times.

Even though the clothes were a better fit, Shikamaru found plenty to complain about.

"Temawee, I don't like dis shuut, it's itchy!"

"Shika, I'm sorry. It's not like there was a lot of choice."

"Deez shooz huwt!"

"Again, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do right now."

"Dis is twublesome." He pouted shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'll agree with that," Temari moaned clutching her stomach. "Damn wasabi."

After one tantrum, and a desperate attempt by Shikamaru to hide behind a large teriyaki vendor, they made it to the hospital. Haruno Sakuro was on her lunch break.

"Of course..." grumbled Temari pulling a screaming Shikamaru from the exit door.

o-o-o

Approximately twenty minutes later, after four trips to the water fountain and seven trips to the bathroom, ("I don't want to go in the ladies woom Temawee!") Temari saw the Pink-haired medic walking towards them. Much like his adult self, with nothing else to do, Shikamaru had decided to take a nap. **Unlike** his adult self, Temari had no problem letting him sleep.

"Konnichiwa Temari-san, I was just with Kiba. He said you called earlier and sounded panicked." She eyed the sleeping toddler, "cute kid. Are you babysitting?"

Temari smiled tightly.

"Does babysitting my husband count?"

Sakura looked confused.

Temari, who was having some serious cramping didn't feel like beating around the bush.

"That boy **IS** Shikamaru. I don't know why, I don't know how. When I woke up this morning I found him like this."

"What the hell?"

"That's what I said."

Sakura saw Temari wince with pain.

"Temari-san, you look pale, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. The pork, eggs and wasabi I ate last night are just having their revenge."

"Are you sure?"

"Hai, just help me figure out what happend to my husband."

Sakura nodded, then pulled out a note pad.

"Let's start with last night. What did he have for dinner?"

"Miso ramen with vegetables."

"Nothing odd about that. What about before going to sleep. What was the last thing that happened?"

Temari blushed. Under the present circumstances, their "activities" would not only be considered obscene and perverted, but illegal as well. Sakura noticed Temari's blush.

"Oh," she said, blushing herself. "I'll just put down, ummm, exercise. Shall I?"

Temari closed her eyes and nodded. Too humiliated to speak.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or anyone/thing in this story.

**Chapter: 3**

Sakura gave Shikamaru a physical once he woke up.

"Temawee, making pee-pee in a cup is twublesome!"

"ITE!!!!!!! Temawee! Why'd you let hew hewt me???"

She pronounced him a perfectly healthy three year old. How he got that way she couldn't determine. She'd run some tests, but until the results came back there was nothing to be done. Temari took him home. They stopped on the way to get him some different clothes and a new pair of shoes.

For his part, Shikamaru wasn't a twenty-one year old. As far as he knew, he was really and truly "twee". He knew Temari wasn't his mother, and he had vague memories of his real childhood. Happily though, his mind remained undisturbed by the present situation.

As they reached their apartment, Temari saw something that made her flinch. Her brothers were standing outside her building, watching her approach with curious looks on their faces. Gaara spoke first.

"You forgot we were coming to visit didn't you?"

Temari nodded. Gaara then squatted down and addressed the unknown child.

"Konnichiwa, my name is Sabaku no Gaara. What's yours?"

"Nawa Shikamawoo." Came the shy reply from behind Temari's legs.

Kankuro who'd been leaning against the wall, stood straight up. Gaara fell over.

"What is this?" Gaara asked wide-eyed, looking from Shikamaru to Temari and back again.

Kankuro chose this moment to laugh.

"Damn Temari, I knew he was younger than you, but this..." he broke off not sure what else to say. Instead he gestured to the child.

"It's been a long day, please lets go inside. I've got a horrible stomachache. Let's just get inside and I'll explain everything."

The siblings and the toddler/husband made it up the stairs and into the apartment where Temari collapsed onto the couch. When Shikamaru found out that Gaara's gourd contained sand, he begged to play with some. Gaara consented, and made a small sandbox for the child while Kankuro made tea.

Temari told her brothers everything she knew, then accepted a cup of tea from Kankuro.

"I mean, we talked about having kids, but he was never the kid in that scenario." She finished.

"Well," Kankuro thought out loud, "if you've got Sakura on it I'm sure she'll be able to figure out something."

Gaara nodded.

"For what it's worth," he smiled, "you've managed a whole day with a toddler and he's still alive." He looked over at the boy playing in the sand. "That's something to be proud of."

Temari laughed weakly.

"Yeah, if it was full grown Shikamaru causing me this much trouble in one day," she sighed. "well, I can't guarantee he'd still be breathing."

"Temawee! I made a poopy in my pants!"

The siblings jaws dropped and Gaara hurriedly got the sand back in his gourd. Kankuro laughed so hard he spit his tea out onto the floor. Temari shot him a look and then went to help her husband.

"For better and for worse." She muttered through clenched teeth.

o-o-o

Her brothers stayed for dinner and helped manage her toddler/husband. Temari barely touched her food while Shikamaru started nodding off. She picked him up and carried him off to bed.

"I love you Temawee," He yawned.

"I love you too bishonen." Temari kissed him on the forehead and pulled the blankets up to his chin.

Her brothers helped her do the dishes, and then she told them she was going to bed herself. Her stomach was still giving her problems.

Gaara made her promise to go to the hospital in the morning if she was still in pain.

"Kankuro and I can watch Shikamaru."

"Nani?" Kankuro replied, "I'm not cleaning the man-child's butt!"

Gaara silenced him with a look.

Kankuro hugged his sister.

"Get some rest so you'll feel better," he begged.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anyone/thing in this story

**Chapter: 4**

"Here she is, she's back with us. Temari-san, can you hear me?" An unfamiliar voice addressed her.

Damn, the lights were bright, where the hell was she?

Kami! Her stomach cramped with the most profound pain she'd ever experienced. She began to panic.

"Where the fuck am I? Shikamaru! What the hell is going on?"

"I'm right here." She felt him squeeze her hand and brush the sweaty hair off her forehead, his voice was back to normal. "You passed out for a minute."

"But what the hell is going on? Oh FUCK!" She screamed.

"Here we go Temari-san," came that voice again. "Push hard, I can see the head."

"SHIT!" She screamed again. Her body was burning, ripping. This was insane!

The horrible pain flooded her again. Was this death?

"Push Temari-san, just once more and you'll have your baby."

What baby?

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

She started sobbing. What the hell was going on? She could hear Shikamaru shouting something about a girl, and heard a baby crying. But the only thing that really registered was that the pain in her stomach seemed to be lessening signifigantly.

"Damn wasabi..." she muttered before passing out.

o-o-o

She woke up in a quiet room. Sunlight filtering in through light blue curtains.

Shikamaru was full grown and asleep in a chair on her right.

On her left was a bassinet. When she looked inside she saw a tiny baby with jet black hair and the tiniest fingers she'd ever seen.

"You're awake." Shikamaru yawned.

"What's going on?"

He climbed into her bed and pointed at the sleeping baby.

"We, that is to say you, gave birth to a baby girl."

"Ara? Last I knew you were three years old and I had a stomachache."

Shikamaru smiled and kissed his wife's forehead.

"You were in a lot of pain and at one point passed out for a few minutes. You kept muttering 'wasabi', " he looked serious for a second. "You're not considering that as a name are you? I mean, I know we haven't really decided yet, but Nara Wasabi?"

Temari laughed and looked at the baby again.

"So this is our daughter?"

"All eight pounds, six ounces, twenty inches of her."

"She's beautiful."

"I'd say she takes after her father in that regard." He teased. "I love you bishoujo." He kissed her lips.

"I love you too bishonen."

o-o-o**OWARI**o-o-o


End file.
